Thank you, MM, for the chance to review publicly.
These are remarks and points of view done on 1st seeing the pdf - I haven't read it through before now.
1. The Cover - too busy, too many words and too many images, The title is fine and I'd just keep the words in the blue band - after all, that's all they should be interested in. Lose the bar graph as well, it doesn't add to the cover. Who has written the report? E.A. or M.M.S.? Personally, I lose E.A.
2. Standard Disclaimer (not that anyone reads them LOL)
3. No Contents page - I'd always put in a Contents page and make it a hyperlinked one so that readers can jump to their favorite chapter (something I need to do more often)
4. Chapter 1
a) Personally, the chapter headings are too big - they don't need to be in that funky metal script - if someone prints this report out they're really going to go through their colored inks - standard <h1> in black is what they expect by now - give them that expectation.
b) I like the little call-to-action at the end of the chapter - makes the report 'interactive' (You could almost offer a heavily reduced coaching session to those companies that return their scores)
c) Bottom of Pg 4 there's a missing 'a' after 'There's'
d) The whole 'language' of the piece is a bit too 'highbrow' for a report - good for mid-sized to large companies but to a 'Mom and Pop' business, there's a lot of 'big' words
e) The brokerage company story, I didn't understand how that fitted into the chapter - the advertising obviously had an effect in that you remebered it and you'd probably remember the broker's name - in that case it's done its job.
5. Chapter 2 -
a) Lose the mousetrap - doesn't add to the piece
b) The Automation Advantage image - I'd see if you could get that down to thumbprint size - it's a little large. They want to know about the 'Squeeze page' not about the title of the report.
c) Check your text formatting right under the squeeze page heading - it looks different from the rest of the report.
d) Aren't squeeze pages also called 'Landing pages' - never heard of the term 'Squeezer' before.
e) Lose the 'Control Your Website Bounce Rate' image - in the text you don't talk about 'control' as such and they'd be expecting you to because you've labeled the image and that image will draw their eye.
f) People know what 24/7 means, even 24/7/365 - doesn't really need a picture but might be worth leaving in there if you take out the bounce image.
6. Chapter 3
a) If you're going to use that mousetrap image again I'd do one with cheese and one without and ask the question - Which one will the rodent go for?
b) You say that these are 'your' squeeze pages - the readers aren't interested in 'you'; I'd just say that they were some squeeze pages from around the Web
c) OK, I realize that you want people to visit your site to join your mailing list but you've just spoilt the rhythm and flow of the piece - if necessary, put the site's URL in a Resources page at the end of the doc.
d) If you're set on using the 24/7/365 image in the last chapter - don't bother using it again here - readers might start thinking it's there purely to fill space.
7. Chapter 4
a) I'd swap the content of this chapter around - put the bullet points first then the larger explanations afterwards (the Birthday Club would only work if the subscribers were asked for their D.o.B. on the optin form , the way it's written it's as if the ARs automagically know that info.).
b) Aaaarrgghh! that
7/24/365 image again! Grrr!
c) The last sentence on page 15 - is that meant to lead them onto page 16? if so, I'd end the sentence with the ... thing so people know that there's more.
8. Presell
Nothing wrong here
9. Call To Action
a) You get a 'preview' of the program but you also get access to the full features. Previews, in my experience, tend to be shortened or curtailed in some way. They either have full access for a week or not - which is it?
b) Why should they try only 'some' of the training, a 'few' of the tools, 'some' of the features - give it all to them for the week.
c) I'd leave out the bit about the c.c. needed for the main site - not in this report, it might stop people going any further than this.
Well, that's all I got - remember, the points of views and opinions cited above are mine and not 'gospel' so, please, make your own decisions.
Hope that helps in some way
D
