Author Topic: Jokes Page  (Read 42463 times)

Offline SurfSmarter

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Re: Jokes Page
« Reply #420 on: January 06, 2017, 12:55:52 PM »
I just got off the phone with an old school friend. One whom I hadn't heard from in years. When asked what was he doing, He replied that he is working on "Aqua-thermal treatment of ceramics, aluminum and steel under a constrained environment."


Needless to say I was suitably impressed.


On further questioning, I learned that he was washing dishes with hot water, under his wife's supervision....


seems we are not all that different after all.

Offline snginc

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Re: Jokes Page
« Reply #421 on: January 06, 2017, 02:15:40 PM »
Good one!  :applause:
I just got off the phone with an old school friend. One whom I hadn't heard from in years. When asked what was he doing, He replied that he is working on "Aqua-thermal treatment of ceramics, aluminum and steel under a constrained environment."


Needless to say I was suitably impressed.


On further questioning, I learned that he was washing dishes with hot water, under his wife's supervision....


seems we are not all that different after all.

Offline krafa

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Re: Jokes Page
« Reply #422 on: January 06, 2017, 11:16:21 PM »
Hahaha, I can't stop laughing by reading some of these jokes, Its really hilarious :D
Thanks "Gustavo Woltmann" for suggest me this nice thread of jokes.
This is a platform for whom are in frustration or in anxiety.

Thank you all once again and please be updated everyday. :)

Offline Jim Burney

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Re: Jokes Page
« Reply #423 on: January 06, 2017, 11:30:59 PM »
Thanks for reviving this thread with a brilliant story or two.  :cool: :sunshine:

Jim

I just got off the phone with an old school friend. One whom I hadn't heard from in years. When asked what was he doing, He replied that he is working on "Aqua-thermal treatment of ceramics, aluminum and steel under a constrained environment."


Needless to say I was suitably impressed.


On further questioning, I learned that he was washing dishes with hot water, under his wife's supervision....


seems we are not all that different after all.

Offline SurfSmarter

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Re: Jokes Page
« Reply #424 on: January 11, 2017, 01:42:32 PM »
The Doctor said: “The good news is I can cure your headaches…

The bad news is that it will require castration.

You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press up against the base of your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.”

Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He couldn’t concentrate long enough to answer, but decided he had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital, he was headache free for the first time in over 20 years, but he felt as if he was missing an important part of himself.

As he walked down the street he realized he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men’s clothing store and thought, “That’s what I need, a new suit.”

The elderly salesman eyed him quickly and said, “Let’s see, you’re a size 44 long.”Joe laughed and said, “That’s right, how did you know?”“Been in the business 60 years!”

Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the tailor asked, “How about a new shirt?” Joe thought for a moment and then said, “Sure.”

“Let’s see, 16 and a half neck, 34 sleeve.”
Joe was surprised. “How did you know?”

“Been in the business 60 years.” The shirt fit perfectly.

As Joe looked at himself in the mirror, the salesman said, “You could use new shoes.”


Since Joe was on a roll, he said, “Sure.”

The man eyed Joe’s feet and said, “9-1/2E.”

Joe was astonished. “That’s right. How did you know?”

“Been in the business 60 years.” Joe tried on the shoes and they also fit perfectly. As Joe walked comfortably around the shop, the salesman asked, “How about new underwear?”

Joe thought for a second and said, “Why not.”

The man stepped back, eyed Joe’s waist and said, “Let’s see, size 36.”

Joe laughed. “Finally I’ve got you! I’ve worn size 32 since I was 18 years old.”

The tailor shook his head. “You can’t wear a size 32. Size 32 underwear would press your testicles against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache.”

Offline snginc

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Re: Jokes Page
« Reply #425 on: January 11, 2017, 01:51:25 PM »
lol...good one!  :shocked2:

Offline Jim Burney

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Re: Jokes Page
« Reply #426 on: January 12, 2017, 01:06:21 AM »
Quote
The tailor shook his head.
 “You can’t wear a size 32.
Size 32 underwear would press your testicles against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache.”

Gave me one hell of a laugh!  :toothy12: :cool: *duh*

Offline SurfSmarter

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Texas wisdom
« Reply #427 on: January 22, 2017, 07:57:32 PM »
An elderly, but hardy cattleman from Texas once told a young female neighbor that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on her oatmeal each morning.

She did this religiously and lived to the age of 103. She left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 21 great-grandchildren, five great-great-grandchildren and a 40 foot hole where the crematorium used to be.

Offline Jim Burney

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Re: Jokes Page
« Reply #428 on: January 22, 2017, 08:37:57 PM »
Guess she went out with a bang!  :toothy12: :toothy12: :toothy12: :toothy12: :toothy12:

Offline SurfSmarter

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Travel Plans for 2017
« Reply #429 on: January 31, 2017, 07:20:49 AM »
Travel Plans for 2017

I have been in many places, but I've never been in Kahoots. Apparently you can't go alone. You have to be in Kahoots with someone.

I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.

I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. Over the years I have made several trips there, thanks to my family, friends and work.

I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much on physical activity anymore.

I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often.

I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.

Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older.

One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!

I may have been in Continent, but I don't remember what country I was in. It's an age thing. They tell me it is very wet and damp there.

Offline Jim Burney

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Re: Jokes Page
« Reply #430 on: January 31, 2017, 12:09:31 PM »
Thanks for cheering me up.  :sunshine: :sunshine: :sunshine: :sunshine: :sunshine:

Can relate to many of those destinations.  :shocked2: :shocked2: :shocked2: :shocked2: :shocked2:

Offline SurfSmarter

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Re: Jokes Page
« Reply #431 on: February 02, 2017, 09:26:07 AM »
you are more than welcome, Jim.



Offline Mark Austin

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Re: Jokes Page
« Reply #432 on: February 02, 2017, 11:54:33 AM »
Interesting town names John! Thanks for sharing that with us. Ever been to Lancaster, PA? Pretty interesting names around there too: Bareville, Mt. Joy, Blue Ball, Bird in Hand, & Intercourse. :)

Mark
“Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that,
but the really great makes you feel that you, too, can become great.”
~ Mark Twain

Offline SurfSmarter

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Colonoscopies are no joke, but...
« Reply #433 on: April 03, 2017, 04:42:52 PM »
A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his
patients (predominately male) while he was performing their procedures:

1. Take it easy Doc. You’re boldly going where no man has gone before.

2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?'

3. 'Can you hear me NOW?'

4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?'

5 'You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally
married.'

6. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?'

7. 'You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out...'

8. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!'

9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!'

10. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.'

11. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?'

12. 'God, now I know why I am not gay'

And the best one of all:

13. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?'

Offline snginc

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Re: Jokes Page
« Reply #434 on: April 03, 2017, 05:49:29 PM »
The last one really made me laugh!